I dream of an airplane with a born-again pilot. I challenge him:
"just because you're rich doesn't mean you can run things"...
I go on a date who seems bored till she takes me to the Alertness Gym...
Are dreams really so ephemeral? Lewis Carroll, who built the Alice books from dream-shards, wasn't so sure...
My loud, spiky, tailed angel of change and potential, and
my calm, skeptical devil of gradualism--a star-nosed mole...
DREAM: Ants invite me to a picnic. But one of the dishes they serve is--other ants!
NEXT DAY: I'm invited to a picnic. And my friend, munching, says...
CAUTION: BUG-EAT-BUG WORLD
Ariana's a brilliant young writer, but how she plans to escape her family is alarming...
CAUTION: TEEN PREGNANCY, SKIN MAGS, HORRIBLE CAREER PLANNING
Aristotle keeps marrying my friends and fucking them up. So I challenge Mr. Logic to a shamanic duel...
CAUTION: THE F-WORD. OOPS, TOO LATE! LESBIAN FISH, TOO.
I am arrested in Tunisia, essentially for being Jewish, despite my pro-Palestinian sympathies.
My main regret: I face years of dirty socks...
I realize the artichoke plate in my lap is a pun: ART! I CHOKE! I need to peel
off my thorny outer leaves of professionalism to find the heart inside...
Jaundiced dreams of an art show spell out just how deeply I reject the rules behind modern art...
As a Hillsborough child I never heard the crash of twentynine
walled streets that fell with a force that moved us away...
When I met someone attractive, my head flamed, burning my body like a wax candle...
Anxious about a big party, I dream of being crowded. But
a cat-centaur in the crowd attains sudden enlightenment...
I pass a jogger with her upper torso twisted 180 degrees round, unable to see straight...
CAUTION: DISSES IGNORAMUSES--YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. OH WAIT, YOU DON'T.
I dream I've carried a photo with me 17 years, but now... I BAKE it. The next day, I meet...
I'm a schoolkid again, fleeing an eruption of sewage. We escape in a balloon.
Earth is beautiful, but I know this flood of shit will drown the whole world...
A New Age graduation party spurs a wild dream of the spiritual odyssey of Catwoman,
starring Alexander the Great, Batman, God, and Rumi the poet (played by Frank Zappa)...
CAUTION: MORAL RELATIVITY
Fresh off the Beagle, Darwin meets three wolf-girls, but has distinctly Biblical inhibitions...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, SPECISM, PUNS
Bear lady, bare lady,
in (or out of) a bear suit...
I screw the lightbulbs in my ears again, and this time, they stay. I sit down at the piano, and as I play...
Parasites, Rambo, huge fetus-beets, an exhibitionist and a living statue advise me on my love life...
CAUTION: NUDITY
A human pinball game played in the dark, with bells for stoppers, sorting people into a Gaussian bell-curve...
I'm a fairy queen at the beach, chasing a girl who's a strong swimmer. Yep, she swims beyond the buoys...
CAUTION: BAD LESBIAN PUNS
The Evil Librarians drop a 19th Century book-character on my head--a blue-skinned paranoid!
He tries to kill me with a trident missing one prong... a Bident? Oh, no! He's Joe B...
CAUTION: DIM VIEW OF TWO 2020 CANDIDATES
We unearthed a sacred treasure, but now a mob of believers are out to lynch us! I better fly...
CAUTION: SACRILEGE AND BAD PUNS
A sexy pool-playing friend in a short skirt leans over an
invisible, virtual-reality pooltable, but I'm blind to...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, TRULY CLUELESS GUY
DREAM: I'm in a restaurant offering just one dish: wild boar, for $12. Excessive. I say no.
NEXT DAY: I tackle a book review I must write. The book costs $12. Excessive. Oh! It's a...
Traders were vanishing. Newly installed Viceroy Zhu fasted, focused, and dreamt
the gods sent him a riddling poem. Each line suggested one word--together, they...
CAUTION: BRUTAL ORGANIZED CRIME
Soul-Poodle is torn between Le Bone Dieu and Dancing Pussy. Who will our horny dogma chase?
CAUTION: MUTT SMUT
I know I'm a murderer; what isn't so clear is what I killed and why...
CAUTION: DISMEMBERMENT, GUILT, DREAD
I was in the Stanford Bookstore and saw this strange visual pun across the room... or did I?
CAUTION: MILD NUDITY
My evil twin, Boris Badenov, wants $8000 or else. I ask my dreams for a solution, and get one...
The moon invites me to go flying, but I get tired of magic and just want to go shopping...
Dreams warning of mania and paralyzing shame alternate with calm dreams of life and growth...
I'm a middle-aged British writer in a triad with a sculptor and a dairy farmer
who seem happy sharing me. But it's a small town, so we must be discreet...
CAUTION: TRIAD THAT WORKS
I'm Bugs Bunny. I torment Daffy Duck till I learn that in many time-branches the New
Deal happened late... or never. I decide to prod a reluctant Franklin Delano Roosevelt...
CAUTION: FIRESIDE PETTING, DUCK TORTURE, BAD POLITICS
Fighting an absolutist theocracy, my dragon-soul burns the
church's dragon-nursery. The cost is terrible: a black vortex...
CAUTION: ROMANTIC THREESOME GETS BURNED
Malevolent artwork terrorizes my baby and me! What's to be done?...
My cat keeps going into heat and sneaking out for sex with my godmother's pet crab, and...
CAUTION: SEX, BAD PUNS, CRABBINESS
DAY: I thorn-puncture my hands while gardening, and write stupid poetry about it...
EVE: I watch Little Darlings, a teen sex farce that turns weirdly serious...
DREAM: a Mysterious Pussy guards us librarians from stinky alien dinosaurs...
CAUTION: SEXUAL INNUENDO???
An identity earthquake that just wouldn't stop. I transform half a dozen times, and so does everyone else...
I find I'm a self-made... critter. A plushie sewn with zippers so I can stuff any bits of me that
seem flat or limp. But my filling's not cotton, polyester or foam. It's chocolate! So I have...
CAUTION: CRUDE DREAM, AWFUL PUN
In an alternate Judea, I long for a female Christ and her lesbian apostles.
My lust is unrequited, till a small Sex Kitten gives me some wise advice...
CAUTION: CAT NUDITY, BLASPHEMY
A bee-doctor in the city of Propolopolis diagnoses me as having a rare syndrome, Ambition Denied...
A guy smashes homes with a duckbilled train; gunmen shoot up shops near the tracks.
The ensuing civil war burns all. Years later, we live on hardscrabble farms. Global Texas!
CAUTION: GLOBAL TEXAS!
I touch the secret soul of a cancer survivor, upsetting her. To apologize, I become a goofy hopping god...
CAUTION: FONDLING SACRED FIGURINES
My foxy lover teases and tempts, but I can't let him into the patio for fear he'll hurt the rabbits…
CAUTION: UNFUNNY BUNNY PUNS
Coco Chanel's fashion workers want me to screw Coco's cat,
so she'll stop screwing them financially...
CAUTION: SEX KITTENS
2021: I dream I'm confessing to friends how I'm over-compliant. I wake, and start transcribing my
1984 journal. Turn the page and find a dream of a horny stallion who's disturbingly over-compliant...
CAUTION: KINKY STALLION
A visit to the Conches, a strange race of molluscs who are people only seasonally...
After seeing Christina Applegate in Married with Children, I dream I'm in bed with her. For
contraception, I open a little square packet with... a condom? Or is it a fast-food packet of...
CAUTION: SEXUAL THEME
The pecking order (goring order?) of cows explains why our leaders stink...
My dream critiques a non-dream artpiece. Does it only count as dream-art
when your dream urges changes, or is creativity partly knowing when to stop?
I infiltrate the Cult of Cake. Novices drool over chocolate frosting
and hand over their life savings. It's a pyramid scheme! A food...
CAUTION: TRUMP REFERENCES; HIDEOUS PUN
I find the feminist principle "the personal is political" leads to some alarming consequences for privacy...
CAUTION: POLITICS
Hundreds of dusty drawers, clearly not not touched in years. I open one
to find cymbals. Some part of me knows it's a dream and sees the pun...
I just watch as all the dance students practice the jive step. I think I already know that one...
While going through a painful breakup, I kept having sexy, lucid, psychic dreams...
Wayan dreams of surprising Dawn on the toilet while she dreams that flushing away evidence of Foul Play won’t work...
We desert-hobbits break through to a world of jungle giants who
see differently from us. Will they believe us about the UFOs?
A Queen Bee devil kidnaps my grandniece; I kill her to free the child. Turns out even Hell's leaders are relieved.
She returns as a satanic housing developer. Slicker this time, but just as crooked. Must I kill her again?
CAUTION: DEVILS, VIOLENCE (NONGRAPHIC)
I stumble into the middle of a dream conversation--on ghosts, tiaras and pigs--
and struggle to figure out what what on earth we were already talking about...
A catalog of American addictions and the absurd distinctions we make between them....
CAUTION: EMBARRASSING DRUG LIST
I'm a reporter. In the mall, I get my pocket picked repeatedly--
but the thieves keep slipping mysterious stuff in, not out...
CAUTION: PUN
I get bullied into dogwalking. A biter--leaves a cat bloody. You'd think a talking dog'd listen. But Cheney...
Around royalty, protocol gets complex. I love the Dog King;
despite her title she's female. Does that make her a...
I get a job in China teaching bus-driving dogs how to fly. I don't know how. Luckily, the dogs...
I'm actress Nicole Kidman, clinging to the dome of City Hall like King Kong, ripping it to shreds! Why?
CAUTION: VANDALISM, REVERSE SEXISM, EXHIBITIONISM
When I was 17, an older girl pushed booze at me and came on to me... in front of my parents and teachers!
For months, I had ambivalent sex dreams trying to process what Donna taught me--not all of it negative...
CAUTION: WEIRD SEX; ADULTS BEHAVE BADLY
Struggling to recall a magical dream, I suddenly get a single, simple image. ...
I'm running along a freeway, pacing a cheetah. But that domestic cat
and her kittens can't keep up. Wait, why are we slowing for them?
Dinner with Dracula goes well, considering, except for the mayonnaise. But suddenly I'm drowning!
No one sees or hears me. Am I a ghost, am I dead or alive? And how would anyone notice?
From Baffin Bay to suburbia, dragons are everywhere... if you look with a dragon's eye...
A girl writes a whole movie to get a shy boy to hold her; I stupidly summon a monster dragonfly-bus;
a devil-suited jerk hogs a musical's stage TWICE; leeches crawl from the treasure-box I opened...
CAUTION: FURRY NUDITY, SEXUAL FEAR/GUILT
Fighting vampire archers is risky enough WITH proper armor! And all I have is dream-journals...
CAUTION: MENTIONS BATTERING
Terse dreamlets quietly catch World War I's effect. Faith died in the trenches...
I drive around hunting for my car, but even though it's a bright red rental car
I can't spot it anywhere. From my car. From my bright red car...
I learn weird sex positions from an abused elf, have calligraphic orgasms, and then I, uh, turn on my stereo...
CAUTION: SEX, ESP, ANORGASMIA, PAST LIVES, ABUSE ISSUES
In a field in the Central Valley, I face the Terror of California...
CAUTION: FIENDISH LEFTIST PROPAGANDA
Every year, as Americans get fatter, the fashion gets thinner (and I look more normal)...
I'm a migratory girl who's lost my tribe. I find eleven coins, cross the world, and pay the Oracle...
Pa warns me to protect my paws. Then gilt wounds my sole. Then
a lioness eats a tasty drumstick. Then a bus crashes on our corner--for real!
Bad puns link an ecological dream of a forest being murdered by inches, and a dental exam...
As it was revealed that the pianist in Truro Cathedral was T.S. Eliot's illegitimate daughter, her
wretched playing suddenly became beautiful. I knew the dream meant "cleave to the illegitimate"...
The sixties. I'm at a party with Eydie Gormé and Sammy Davis Jr.
I get a laugh with a pun about para-keets/para-chutes/para-shoes...
I'm on a British train, sitting across from an attractive, stylish woman
with a massive databolt stuck in her eye--and I have to unscrew it...
A monstrous Kafka beetle grows gradually out of my face. And it's a MESSAGE...
That levitating bear's not tightrope-walking--she rides a goat strung like soap-on-a-rope. A goat that's me! I'm eating...
CAUTION: UGH!
My friends are all computer programs. But then, so am I. But it's not so bad, because...
CAUTION: DREAM-PUNS
For mere disobedience, I EXECUTE a forest-fire-fighting cat! So next
I'm trapped in a security-obsessed job; how do I like it? I flee...
My little son accidentally tears the tail off our goldfish. The wound
looks vaginal. The fish, moaning in pain, turns into my daughter...
I read The Best American Poetry, 2007, but it just isn't, and I find myself writing a Savage Poetic Response...
In the field, a huge dog whose markings form the image of
a running horse. So who am I dreaming of? Horse or hound?
My co-worker flashes a lot. Her boyfriend helps--flaps her skirt up to bare her pussy. What's their agenda?
In a dream-sculptor's studio, I pet her lily-headed cat, who purrs. I think "At least her pussy likes me..."
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, PUNS, PETTING
A pod of whales in the sky and a circle of children dressed like seed-pods both beg me to interpret them...
I dream all night of weird feet: a blue alien holograph of one, a band called Foot, parasails turning into sky-feet...
I'm jogging in Yosemite. A man tells me I'm possessed. There IS something in my shoe...
Climbing out of Childhood Abyss, I literally get a leg up from a girl seeking the Ledge of Teens.
A shy girl has to hide she's a were-creature. Gay men make out in the witch-registry to rattle its
homophobic guardians. My sister stripteases while scolding me for a mess I didn't make...
CAUTION: DUH, SEX TABOOS! KIDS, FURS, GAYS, SIBLINGS
DREAM: I hike up my Career Path into the hills. On a snowfield,
a bird and a fox create the eye of God, who banishes all evil!
NEXT DAY: I read a novel full of images out of the dream...
The goddess of the Cult of Clutter catches a little thief, and tastes her to see if she’s worthy...
A baseball star got her leg broken. It stalls her career,
but helps her marriage. Did she need a "break"? Do I?
I felt like my heart was in my stomach. My friend Lyx opened me up & said "It is." She scolded me for eating it...
CAUTION: URP
I've always loved curves, color, dreams, sex, texture... and planning, too.
So one day I drew 100 black boxes in ink--no color, no curves, no erasure! And then I began to seek...
I'm with an Englishman in a taxi who seems rather calm about the fresh blood welling from his crotch...
I find a famous European Veterinarian, but his waiting room's too crowded, so I just leave a bouquet of dolls...
...and wake to find blood on my own thighs. Why does menstruation always come to me as a surprise?
I'm in medieval England on a mission from God, but I meet a Priestess on a mission from...well, we argue.
I'm trying to hump the entire State of California. In public,
too. What brought THIS on? Well, actually, I know...
CAUTION: OBSCENE SITUATION--AND TITLE. OOPS, TOO LATE.
Shipwrecked and claimed as salvage on Crete, Ed the writer became
a dishwashing slave! In contrast, Marie the musician...
I was half-drowning, holding our son up in the pool, while my husband tried to take a
photo. I kept gasping "Did you get the picture yet?" but he kept saying "Not yet"...
A child from another universe materializes--part way. Too bad we called in that expert from Stanford...
Dream: a woman wants to drive my old hippie bus. But a tire's missing! She pushes. I don't think it's safe...
Next evening: my housemate wants to drive my old hippie bus. She pushes, but I don't think it's safe...
At 15 I misheard God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen and liked my version better. "Lit muffin, rude Esmé"...
I'm at a vaudeville for gods. Cthulhu the squid-god nearly tramples me--and then gets horny...
CAUTION: GROSS GOD, GROSS GOO
Time-travel the Navaho way! But our bread-pipe gets hijacked, so we call the Bird. Who shows up, all right...
CAUTION: NON-STANDARD SAVIOR, EVIL DREAM PUNS
Glaciers feed a mountain lake; dust blows over a pass. Then I realize the ice is the robes
of a great choir; the dust, thousands of musicians filling the cirque, singing, playing...
Nabokov's uncle left him a fortune but the Revolution took it. He dreamed his uncle said "I shall return to you as
Harry & Kuvyrkin." 40 years later filmmakers Harris & Kubrick paid Nabokov a fortune for the rights to Lolita...
I grew extra penises which bud off me like fruit. So I fry them up like sausages, and...
CAUTION: GENITALIA FOR LUNCH
All the photos of hawk people I can find show them with bizarre genitalia: males
with hawk-heads for penises, and females with nothing. Blank! Then I go to work...
CAUTION: REVERSE SEXISM
I dreamed I was a gull in Middle Earth fighting Sauron, though he
blurred my vision; but my hawk-eyed gullfriends helped me out...
I read Stephen Hawking, and dream I'm in the Quantum Desert, full of bridges, holes & loops--
like the microstructure of spacetime. But it's not counter-intuitive at all--it's HOME!
A con artist fools me and a waiter. But if my dreamfolk are all me, who's fooling whom?
After a day of troubling conflicts over race & art, I dream I'm handed a hot, heavy, mossy head--is it art, or alive?
A CIA man trying to infiltrate a revolutionary group flunks a lie-detector test, so the Headshrinker...
CAUTION: REAL HEADSHRINKER
A revival meeting goes bad--suicides, 'long pig', a hell-pit. If you sup with the devil, carry a long fork!
I'm a great blue heron with hands and human speech. A hunter fires arrows at me,
but I'm fast and can catch them. They're costly, so I demand a bargain with him...
CAUTION: ABOUT EMOTIONAL ABUSE
A huge bridge spans the Pacific; my depth perception reaches miles instead of mere yards.
A crowd worships a guru hidden in a tent on a pier. I don't trust him! He has hidden in tent...
CAUTION: THE JONESTOWN MASSACRE
In the park, long lines of worshipers wait to meet a guru. But I'm naked, so I hide in the reeds...
CAUTION: NUDE SUNBATHING
I'm stuck on a jet full of cartoons. We get hijacked by a kid who just wants
pilot practice, and then a talking cactus counter-hijacks us...
CAUTION: THE F-WORD
1: I try to grow feathers and fly, but half-fail, half-succeed--experience two bodies at once...
2: I fly to escape a hippie cult. They fire heat-seeking missiles! But I may be too cool to track...
I'm trapped in a Hitchcock thriller. Then one suicidal gunman turns into a songbird!
Next day at lunch a bird acts crazy. Over the next year, I do change from human to...
CAUTION: SUICIDAL BIRD
She dreamed she'd written a wise and beautiful poem. Half asleep she scribbled it down. Awake, she found...
CAUTION: HOGGEREL
I'm a Zen monk riddled with holes from a weird disease the government denies
is real. So as a protest, I stand naked atop a wall and let the air-sharks take me...
CAUTION: SURREAL SUICIDE
Diplomacy's failed. To stop the impending Iranian War single-handed,
I hop like a monster flea across Iran to corner the New Shah...
A student of Elsie Sechrist reports a dream in which Bob Hope came jumping
down the street on a pogo stick, expressing the dreamer's feeling that...
I'm in a jungle, making love with various well-endowed spirits...
CAUTION: JUNGLE STEREOTYPES, OVERSIZED ERECTIONS
DREAM: my car has a fuel leak. Luckily, I carry around a crystal hot-water knob--
for beauty, not car repair. But I screw it in & stop the leak, fixing my 'drive'...
NEXT EVENING: turn on the TV news, and there's my hot water knob...
I’m a brown sparrow scratching in the dirt, looking for bugs. Focused, tireless, I hunt and peck...
"I am a man upon the land; I am a Selkie in the sea..." Silky or selkie means a were-seal...
I must rescue Ann Soforth from righteous rapists, then Paul McCartney from a musical curse...
CAUTION: ABUSED CHILD, JOYCEAN LANGUAGE
When your brain-cops are edgy, you're getting warm!
I'm the director of an airport. A mysterious Mongolian traveler lands. Let him in
or not? I try to avoid the decision by lying--say "I'm not the director!"...
I tour the heart of a red supergiant, where dreaming souls explore
their fears and heart's desires, unconstrained by solid matter...
CAUTION: SWEDENBORGIAN VISION, UNICORN NUDITY
An Arabian prince kidnaps my girlfriend and me. We eventually escape his flying palace, but she gets trapped in
Victorian underwear, while I escape feuding politicians by turning myself into a truck tire. NOT a smart move...
CAUTION: BOGUS VICTORIAN SEX-EUPHEMISMS
A car crashes & burns--but the driver bailed! No one to save...
A miner stabs a baby "because everyone not underground is evil"...
Radar O'Reilly from MASH, President Calvin Coolidge and I confuse who's who...
How did my bondage dream turn into a slot-machine jackpot? And what kind of change is pouring out?...
CAUTION: (CON)SENSUAL BONDAGE
Montgomery's film about her teenage affair with a pedophile
is troubling enough before the FBI tries to blackmail her...
CAUTION: MOLESTATION/ABUSE ISSUES
In a museum I see huge Jesus heads with inset saints and figures in pain;
then, in our old back yard, huge coffee cups half-sunk in the grass...
Our black cat Purr and our new blonde kitten fly around as if jet-propelled
dive-bombing the roof. Alarming, but their cat-reactions aren't like mine--
fast as a test pilot! For me it'd be suicide; for them, just playing...
When the school district goes bankrupt, students flee creditors into a hell-cave.
But Joe Cool can skateboard even on lava in the Pit...
My shortcut in a marathon bogs down in a maze full of psychoanalysts! So I climb the walls and...
I dream a Chinese fable: how the poet Li Po was abucted by the gods, till they face heavenly justice...
CAUTION: ABDUCTION, DRUNKS, EVIL PUN
I met two strange sisters on a train who turn out to be half-cat. They open my eyes
so I realize that my neighbor Elaine must be a shapeshifter too...
CAUTION: FLIRTATIOUS UNDERAGE CAT
I'm in the kitchen making a mess--kneading pasta dough on the bookcase. If my mom comes in and sees...
Richard Russo writes that Westerners cannot dream like tribal people.
So I dream Russo's the Cubist Dictator of Dreams! I prefer the part-equine
Lady Demicorn, and the Fat Meditating Dog, and the Birdiesattva...
CAUTION: NUDE CREATURES
DREAM: I run into a couple I know. I get gridlocked. R.D. Laing gives me a transpersonal message.
DAY: I bump into that couple, get gridlocked, and hear R.D. Laing speak on transpersonal messages...
I'm in an America where witches are burned & abused women grow on trees. Yet three of us heal...
CAUTION: CREEPY PARALLEL WORLD
I'm at the Fringe Festival, onstage in a Performance Orgy, playing two roles:
a leopard with human pets and a leopard's human pet. But I'm not quite playing...
CAUTION: STAGED ORGY
I'm pushing a safe off a roof in Berkeley so it won't be pushed off the roof
(yep, you read that right) but it pulls me with it! Either die, or go lucid and fly...
Alli/Tip is lured/tricked into a pen full of women, and tries to get out by repeating this ambiguous plea...
Snakebite! I'm hooked to a health-monitor. If a red light comes on, I'm doomed. But voices start whispering...
WAYAN: My housemate Linda shows me her weird navel--and pussy, to compare...
LINDA: At Christmas, I run through snowy streets, naked except for earphones...
CAUTION: NUDITY & AWFUL DREAM-PUN
Lions trap me in an African cave with only coffee, paper and pens! Is this what it takes to get me to write?
Half asleep, I scrawl a nightmare of trying to rescue gasping boyfish, but my dreamwriting goes wrong too...
DREAM: a long green dog attacked Zhang from the south. He hid in his bedroom. He woke shaken but did not act.
SOON AFTER: General Gou Zhang (sounds like "Dog Long"), in a long green coat, attacked from the south...
DREAM 1: A man wearing long white underwear shoots me down with a machine gun.
DAY: Long John Nebel interviews me; his Freudian friend calls me a penis-envying woman.
DREAM 2: Long John and his buddy umpire a rough baseball game. Definitely not cricket...
CAUTION: SEXISM, FREUDIANS, PUNS
Creatures in the primal sea touch my third eye, dragons cry their eyes out, I fight the Sphinx, and arrive at last in...
After fighting off an electrified Orson Welles, I meet the twelve
vulture-pine-politicians climbing Mt Sinai, looking for librium...
My mom hires a therapist who really goes for my throat! Why is she so desperate to make me lose my...
CAUTION: OVER-THE-TOP CONFRONTATION
DREAM: a weird-looking guy says he's a Private Nose, who can read my
life history by sniffing my lunch. He gets a lot right--but just as much wrong.
NEXT DAY: My sister takes me to lunch & orders tea-leaf salad. Our waiter is...
I'm in a loving animal dance troupe, but wake to find I'm alone.
For consolation, I eat at The Terrace, and meet stars. Not film stars...
I ask my dreams to evaluate my current relationship. I dream I'm vomiting up big maggots, and a mirror
shows smaller maggots eating one eye! In dream group, I ask the maggots who they are, and they say...
CAUTION: GROSS, BUT POSITIVE UNDER THE HORROR SKIN
The image got lost, but the words survived, so here's the poetic saga of an ant that left th' farm...
I've got too many obligations, an elderly relative to care for, and now giant birds are invading my house.
CAUTION: STALKING, KILLER BIRDS
Martian robots pester me. I flee through the Asteroids, leaving chaos, cratering Earth.
Years later on my farm, a bot shows up disguised as Freud. I start mudslinging...
After a busy exhausting day, I find myself on a dream street flirting with a really cute artist.
Until this stumpy green Martian slithers up, calls us criminals, and threatens us with a raygun...
CAUTION: DUMBEST INNER CRITIC EVER
The comics industry degenerates into civil war. We peddle all night to avoid the Marvel...
I'm inside a magical novel by Patricia McKillip, amid tricksters, cosplayers, spooks, sex changes, levitation and (sigh) cops...
CAUTION: COYOTE SEX
A priestess guarding a Thai temple in the forest has a strange problem:
her breasts rebel, escape and scurry round like hamsters
under her skin; they don't like that Buddhist restraint...
CAUTION: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
Our cowboy posse tracks a fugitive to a strange amethyst mine, where we're offered peculiar jobs...
Strange oaths are proposed for the first expedition to the Uranian moon Miranda...
I'm in a loading dock with the door pulled halfway down, so I have to look between my legs
to see the mythical dancers outside--upside down. Wait, why am I hiding in here? Go join...
CAUTION: MOCKS PLATO; NUDE CENTAUR, TOO
I'm in the cellar, petting a tiger-cat. She speaks inside my head: "I'm tired of living on bread. I need meat."
I make excuses--it's pricy--then see big hanging quarters of meat. I hide them! She says "Call me Mistress
Touttmouss"--well, something like that--I know it's English, but can't make it out til I wake, when I see...
The flood sickens my fuchsia bush. My mom says my fuchsia is hopeless,
but I make up a treatment. When it works, well... read the title.
CAUTION: PUNS, EXPLODING MOM
I'm a giant wolf with a human girlfriend. A formula says I must shrink until my paws are 128 times
the volume of her feet. But I'll still be way too big for sex! Eight seems more like the right volume...
CAUTION: HORNY WOLF, MATH, CLIMACTIC PUN
I'm a mouse with a protest banner saying "FREEDOM!", having a slight argument with a cat...
A dream haiku telling of a dog-pack saved by the intuition of a mutt with a mangled ear...
DAY: I write, exploring my jealousy toward my wife, though I know she's not cheating on me.
DREAM: Doctors remove my spleen and wake it up! Now my spleen is out to do me in...
Giant worms put me on trial for wearing a nameless hat, but I like their punishment so I taunt the judge...
Through wild jungles and over the Mattress Mountains, I lead a giant purple newt to love...
I met Nic as he steppd out of the elevator. We were both spooked. Nic asked if I believed in
mermaids and unicorns. I said “yes.” I asked Nic if he believed in dreamers, and after a pause...
Like a lot of playful beasts, I like a friendly nip in the evening...
After a class in nonverbal communication, I meet
Richard Nixon under embarrassing circumstances...
I visited my friend Chris Wayan's workshop and found him building
a dance troupe of joyfully obscene centaurs out of Barbie dolls...
I dream my theatre friends are particles dancing inside an atomic nucleus--
particles that reveal their character, motivations and power. And I'm one too...
After seeing an Einstein biography I find myself in the bathrooms of Thought-Experiment High, and...
CAUTION: DARK SIDE OF AN ICON
I go lucid and drive my bed to the Nevada desert where I see my next million years. And so far, it’s been true...
I dream we canoe down a river. You say it's barren because this was once the ocean's floor. You're
protective but not longing. I wake on a beach, puzzled why I still feel for you a year later...
I'm a spy tracking down coinlike bombs. Fighting a double agent, I fall in love!
So I suggest her gang rob golden-parachute bankers...
CAUTION: POOLSIDE SEX
I'm car-buying. My friend has an Opel, but it's sluggish AND a gas hog. How can a car be both? Then...
I notice a jar of opals that my grandpa gave me has grown dull with algae! Sheesh, more opals gone bad...
I wake and head to work. But at a bottleneck, I'm blocked by this loud group talking on and on about...
My uncle mocks the racehorse he rides! Smears lipstick on this stallion, calls him a wimp... Why?
CAUTION: DREAM PUN, NUDE MARES
I'm a girl in a Catholic school. But a magazine and my too-small bed combine to change my life...
CAUTION: MASTURBATION, QUEER-POSITIVE, CHRISTIAN-NEGATIVE
DREAM: I'm hiking in a local preserve when a jay with a handgun shoots an owl...
A MONTH LATER: the first owls to resettle my urban county nest in a nearby park...
A MONTH LATER: they're dead. One was shot; its mate died of grief.
At the time I didn't even notice the pun...
Dream-journal pages, Tarot's four Page cards, getting paged,and
a girl named Page--all warn me I lie to myself about what I want...
I hang my artshow, but cut my palm. So I dream of a palm tree whose only problem is the road it's by...
Hypnotized in therapy, I saw AT LEAST five competing goals tugging at me like gravity fields.
Naturally I drew them. Come tour the Inner Solar System of our desires...
CAUTION: NUDITY (BODY, HEART, BRAIN, SOUL)
My sister and her friend the snake-woman tell me the facts of life: the golden hooks, the piglets...
CAUTION: UNRELIABLE GYNECOLOGY
I forgot how to play my pianobed, so I just thrash around in it. And thus thrash music is born (sorry)...
I'm peeking at Pike's Peak with Gregory Peck, as we seek my dream-journals in the Hawaiian jungles...
CAUTION: STUPID PSYCHIC PUNS
by Wayan; 2017/2/5, an advisory dream fusing Aldous Huxley & My Little Pony.
My new housemate Pinkie is a party animal, but she's really nice. She climbs a high ladder to help wash my
Windows of Perception. Then our unicorn friend Rarity walks in. She warns me to pace this renovation project...
CAUTION: PONIES
Plums float through the autumn air, sending us airmail kisses. If we'll accept delivery...
A stopped-up mystical toilet gets cleared by an unexpectedly colorful tool;
but then, you never anticipate what'll unplug your, um, "head"...
What if comics panels and layouts weren't so square? I try triangles,
pentagons, hexagons, circles, spirals--and some serious stuff pops out...
CAUTION: IDEAS, OCCASIONAL NUDITY, MENTIONS ABUSE
I dreamed I saw this statue of a woman wearing a round hat or bowl that covered her entire head.
When I got closer, a bunch of arms sprouted from under the hat/bowl, moving like spider legs...
EMRICH: I'm in a conference center in "Pondecherry", even though it feels nothing like India...
THOMAS: A woman picks fruit off a tree by a pond and calls them "pondicherries--with an 'i'"...
CAUTION: WILL ANNOY E.S.P. DENIERS
I had a dream I was exploring ruins in a forest, where
I encountered this feral girl with a porcupine head....
I meet the terrible Power Behind the Gods. I don't like it. So I get my squirtgun & shoot its butt.
The enraged Power chases me as blindly as I hoped! I jump into a secular universe, and...
CAUTION: SACRILEGE
I dreamed I had to go through the Animal Orgy to get to the City of the Shining Spirits on the horizon...
CAUTION: STRANGE SEX
I'm a telepathic rabbit defending our world from space-laser attack. We do, but do we modernize too much?
CAUTION: IDEAS
I DREAM I buy a record I've wanted. But someone warns "You'll have trouble with it; you should have gone to another store."
I WAKE as my phone rings. "A clerical error in our records will delay the supplies you ordered." Wish I'd picked another store...
DREAM: I see the leaves outside turning from red to green, not green-to-red as usual in fall.
AWAKE: I've been dating two boys called Red and Green. Guess my dreams have chosen...
I'm an abused girl turning tricks to survive. But this is San Francisco: I join a prostitutes' co-op, and meet...
CAUTION: PROSTITUTES WITH SELF-RESPECT, OH NO!
Lounging in the sun, I do a magical make-over--molding my bones to give myself more room for
intuition, judgment, nerve--all the while feeling shallow & indulgent for self-improving!...
A movie version of heaven. Souls line up for rejuvenation from a great
fountain. But fat old rich guys crash the line, demanding to be first...
CAUTION: UGLY NUDITY, UGLY BEHAVIOR, POLITICALLY PREDICTIVE
I'm told a girl in an armored nutrient-bath wheechair has my shoes. I need them back. But
to get them I have to answer the riddle written on her breasts. We both get a bit distracted...
CAUTION: CARTOON BREASTS
I'm with friends in a cafe. A robot beggar scuttles in and says I must be a saint and give, give, give.
I eject the robo-nag. But it comes back in the form of an Old Testament prophet with the same spiel!
This time it takes fists. At last I give the nagging saint the old heave-ho, yelling "AND STAY OUT!"...
CAUTION: FUNDAMENTALIST BLASPHEMY
I'm a robot in high school. I have my first dream, but I'm deaf to its message cuz it's not spectacular...
I'm sitting in a car teetering in the front row of a theater balcony. By me, R. is licking a cherry-
flavored sucker. As the film crew yells "Roll it!" my foot slips on the brake and I do...
DREAM: a distinctive house with a tempting green field by it. But the field's forbidden...
DAY: Ronald's analyst had rented that house--but the adjacent field was forbidden...
CAUTION: E.S.P. THEORIES
A Japanese high school athlete has no friends, till she starts meeting animal spirits on her long solo runs...
Nightmare: flying saucers attack, and I only have a squirt gun to fight back with!
Next day I see the Simpsons Halloween special. Lisa Simpson has a nightmare...
Stranded on an island where a marching band drowned, I escape
by paddling across the Pacific using a rusty, er, cymbal...
CHRIS: I find what may be a magic potion, if it has a scroll hidden in the liquid...
MARK: I'm underwater. Spirits dance around me, on top of sunken scrolls...
A friend nags me to be lookout as he steals a cult's papers. I know it'll end in murder, but foresight paralyzes me!
In a videogame that keeps freezing unplayably, I find a button calling up a secret screen of second chances...
I'm lost in a grim basement, but two kids show me a cobwebbed glass door you can walk through like air...
My sister and I are runaways, developing psychic powers.
A cult of fish-selling witches wants to use us...
CAUTION: SIBLING INCEST, SPELL ABUSE
A doctor tells Ellis to try "selvdrolla", but he's so focused on the strange name he forgets the prescription...
DREAM: a thirtyish blonde says her death is ordered. Her head's cut off. But it won't die--bites his hand!
Dr. Prince feels the dream shouts "premonition!" and writes an account at the Society for Psychical Research.
Next night, a thirtyish blonde nearby commits suicide, leaving a note saying her severed head will live on...
CAUTION: CREEPY DREAM, CREEPIER NEWS
His sewing-machine design failed--until dream-cannibals caught him & jabbed him with weird needles...
CAUTION: OUCH!
Five short playful dreams exploring sex. Because too many therapists
get in the habit of thinking all dreams must wrestle with unhappiness...
Our family of Japanese pearldivers is cast away on an atoll. One day, lonely, scared, I cast away fear...
I find a shy sphinx hiding in the corner of a painting in a dull art class. But maybe she's right to hide...
My sisters roll a single die. Miriel can influence it telekinetically, but can't
shoot very well, since she hasn't grown opposable thumbs yet, as kittens do...
Exploring a planet in the Sirius system, we raft down a river. A local guy warns
there's a waterfall ahead, but my raftmates won't believe him! Over we go. Ow...
Next day, glad my druggy housemate's leaving, I learn of a big letdown...
After I (sort of) foil some elf-burglars, a friendly elfwoman shows me
a black caterpillar, then the rare white-striped skunkerpillar...
I dream I'm an insomniac trapped in a flat full of snoring writers and reporters. Wait a minute...
Guards in a museum confiscate my goofy purple-warted shoes, then lose them!
I fuss till they find them. For it's vital to retrieve my, uh, soles.
I'm a kid again, gawking at the Space Needle. But a woman stands before it, who no one else can see:
CAUTION: NUDITY, A SEXUAL PERSPECTIVE
A dead fern in my backyard starts sending me messages in some strange language...
My family moves into a damp, leaking basement. My dad just sneers at us for fussing
about the cold, the damp, the mildew, the leaks. "I'll show you REAL leaking..."
After my dad lets me down I dream black may be white, and white, black--if you're a Sphinx...
A street poet preaches a gospel of smallness, until he pokes at capitalism in a slightly too personal way...
I'm in a department store trying on clothes when I notice there's a large zucchini growing from my crotch...
CAUTION: SQUASHY PENIS, ICKY RECIPE
A mom & daughter caught a squirrel robbing their guaranteed rodent-proof birdfeeder. He
speaks English so they demand to know how he did it. But he knows they won't hurt him...
First a mutant doe with stilt legs has trouble finding a mate, then
a centauroid buck with a parasol shows us he means... business.
Through twin gates of dream--not ivory and horn any more, but fear and trust...
Three castles on the sea: a Mock Kremlin, a Ship of Toiletpaper, and a Ship of Brick and Beer...
A mad old surfer of the San Andreas Fault, impossibly riding earth-change...
I wake amnesic in a cabin in Alaska, in a dress printed with self-putdowns.
I track down the wizard who cursed me. He turns me into a swan! Worse?
No! His first curse was on a human being, and now I'm a bird. My mind is free!...
I pull my mom's sweater onto my legs but get tangled (and bits of anatomy dangle).
Worse, I'm emulating Jesus. Is this any way to get a date?
CAUTION: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION, GENDER MALFUNCTION, MOM MALFUNCTION
I slept late and felt a bit stiff, but until my friends pulled it out of my neck I had no idea...
I'm Sybil Sue, a hard-boiled shapeshifting shamus, on the track
of the most wanted bankrobbers in LA: the Bad Girls...
CAUTION: IN BETWEEN GUNSHOTS, THE BAD GIRLS SWEAR
A comet grows hair, a girl named Rosalie becomes a bed of roses, writing in a beautiful
hand appears on a beautiful hand, and Sylvia becomes a talking forest bird...
Illusionist Penn Jillette pulls a large-scale prank with an ending not even I see coming...
Solve a pictographic riddle and you can fly, shapeshift, work magic!
But someone doesn't want us solving dream-riddles...
Having (or living with) a sharp mind is like living with a unicorn. That horn can kill or heal...
(A comic frustration dream hiding a warning)
Our tennis game's spoiled by rubber rackets, fierce grandmas,
Good and Evil (those identical twins) and a bully on stilts...
A beer-soaked cowboy barbecue goes wrong when a dog named Teri Garr catches fire
and they just laugh and won't waste beer to douse her. Then their big old hats catch fire...
CAUTION: SEXIST BLAMING OF VICTIM; PROBABLE DEATHS BY FIRE
A stallion reared to strike me. He was all the fear and rage I’d repressed... A woman said “offer him...
As a kid, my nightmares were of Sesame Street characters. In my teens I graduated to
slasher nightmares and recurring lucid dreams. Alcohol trashed my dreams for years, but
now they're not nightmares--just surreal. Hitler wrecks my sex life! What a spoilsport...
CAUTION: (MOSTLY FRUSTRATED) SEX
I find three street parties full of half-naked dancers, jammed together for warmth--and maskless!
Not parties--anti-masker events. Sexy, but their protest risks our lives along with theirs...
CAUTION: FLAMES SCIENCE DENIERS
I live in a beehive. We must mate with dogs. I'm assigned a bitch. But I'm allergic to gods! Oops, I mean...
CAUTION: SEXUAL THEME, DOGGESS WORSHIP
I paint my thumb with bitter aloes to break my habit of sucking it at night. I dream of
wormwood, ox gall, mineral salts. I consult Dr. Save Me and even the Pope, but...
A tiger-couple on an ice floe must choose: swim for land, or
ride the current full circle back home, risking starvation?
Golfing in the basement with Giselle! But her ball goes through a Stargate
to land on a world where the water hazards are hazards...
In the steampunk world of the Parasol Protectorate, I'm on a swing, fondling four friends
who I'm in love with--all four! I won't give any up. Yet it's time to quit swinging...
CAUTION: SEX ED CLASS, POLYFIDELITY
In a world where speech is in Mayan glyphs, comedian Tina Fey (dressed for prom night)
climbs a Tibetan peak to learn levitation. But the flying monks are scared of women...
CAUTION: COOTIES; ROWDY JESUS; MAY FLUNK THE BECHDEL TEST
Four lines of comic nonsense composed in a dream...
I ask how my relationship with Scott was going. That night he asks me to sail on the Titanic. I say
"That ship will sink!" but he won't listen. I see a skeleton-baby and know I have even more to lose...
CAUTION: NIGHTMARE, UNFIT DAD, ABORTION
My foot is a torso and my toes sprout conflicting personalities...
CAUTION: NUDE CARTOON
They call it the information highway because we're all supposed to march in formation...
Asparagus, wings, an unhinged hand, a boxed ghost, butter, sister incest, tomato-pincushions,
secret volcanoes, one-eyed integers, chickenleg dresses, mirrors and bananapeel beds...
Why's Mexico City built where it is? And why is corn called "ears"? It turns out these questions are linked...
I finally find a way to safely indulge in heavy petting
as well as puns) with a playful but scratchy cat...
A couple slips in and out of sleep, dreams, one another's bodies and dreamworlds, trying to connect...
CAUTION: FREUDIAN SYMBOLISM, LITERATE WRITING
My mind and my soul both apply for a job in Stanford Cathedral. Their rivalry grows to a shamanic duel...
DREAM: I'm a Soviet Potato Fest. Reds, grannies, food. A girl's told a life-and-death lie about a canine...
NEXT DAY: I read a version of Red Riding Hood, and the dream's weird elements suddenly make sense.
CAUTION: SOVIET CLICHÉS, E.S.P. SPECULATION
I dream we're on a miserable camping trip. So why, when I wake,
do I think it's a diagnostic dream? It's that triple pun...
Jealous of newlyweds, I grind my teeth. But the Ice Age ground the Sierra's granite teeth, and they're lovelier for it...
Trapped in a blend of Joan of Arcadia and The Tempest Tales, I'm tired of being the pratfall sidekick...
I'm a flying fox in England. I see a poisoning and call for help. Ugly knockoffs of
Peanuts characters attack me! The real Peanuts gang defeats them; Snoopy drives
the victim to the hospital, saving her. It really is vital to be... authentic.
CAUTION: PUNS
Robot wolves with videocamera eyes prowl our block, freezing me
in their headlight glare. Why do I think one's my ex-girlfriend?
A fiddler has recurring dreams warning he'll be run over with his violin. Reluctantly,
He sells it to a friend, and jams with him only in the woods, away from cars. But...
Ever since I was battered I feel like a virgin again: longing, but wary--scared where sex may lead...
CAUTION: CARTOON NUDITY, SEXUAL THEMES
In my sister's house I saw a magazine cover showing that famous
national monument in the Black Hills: Mt Walrushmore...
A giant insect chases me around our gym. A girl tells me it's harmless but I'm sure it's a...
A murder case. But the suspect had gone to an interpreter and told of an ominous dream.
The investigator saw its strange images might be puns, naming the real killer--and they did...
I'm the new manager of the watermelon mine. And to free the trapped minors--
oops, miners!--I have to plan. So I cover the floor with My Little Pony post-its...
CAUTION: CARTOON NUDITY
I'm a demon girl out to sabotage a pirate radio station by climbing a tall
wall of glowing wax, carrying a comatose mountain lioness on my back!
Huge balloons labeled "Waymo" in bad Chinese are taking over San Francisco.
But the sexy balloonists seem to be more into masturbation than conquest...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM OR OBJECTIFICATION?
1940s reporters almost trap me in a mob shootout. I shelter in a gender-segregated hotel.
The owner of Wharton Tower shakes the hotel so it swings between its butch & femme halves.
I fall off the Hudson Palisades, but I land safely on the Glass Ceiling...
My friend's ignorant of our local Congressional race. I loathe Pombo
and like his rival McNerney, but can't pronounce his name right...
Hot air rises, right? So there's a monsoon from Hell,
lifting souls. Lucky for us that gravity balances it...
I didn't even think of "windbag" since it didn't talk a bit.
That bag was all action--full of flying magic...
First I dream the neighbors are powerful witches offering dog-collared children
to the local men. Later, on a train, I meet two kids who managed to escape...
CAUTION: CHILD ABUSE, NUDITY
A writer's found in his office mating with an ash-covered creature! But could she be his muse?
CAUTION: NUDITY OR NOT? SEX OR NOT? NO ONE QUITE KNOWS...
I'm a dyke playing baseball in Golden Gate Park. Some guys harass us and run into a tunnel. I follow, but...
I walked into a 19th century home--and family quarrel. Decades passed in seconds; then
the house burned--with me in it. Two years later I learned the house and its history were real...
I'm in line to meet a shockingly accurate psychic. But she's running late, so as I frame my question...
CAUTION: I'M NOT GAY BUT I SURE AM QUEER