World Dream Bank home - add a dream - newest - art gallery - sampler - dreams by title, subject, author, date, place, names

DONNA'S FALLOUT

Four dreams, 1972/2/6, 2/26, 2/29 and 3/4, by Wayan

(Intro: 1972/1/22)
MEET DONNA

I'm 17. My parents have a party for all my dad's colleagues from the local college. Jim, fortyish, comes with a date: Donna, just 19. His ex-student. Soon they quarrel. She stares moodily out at the cold winter rain.

I retreat from the party early, hide in my room; Donna comes and drags me back out, talks with me. She tells me which English teachers at the college are best--not Jim! (I later find she's right). She pushes a drink at me, though I'm way underage. Next she wants to dance with me. I don't know how and don't want to be the only one trying, with someone else's date, with all my parents' friends staring--and they are.

She sits me down and asks me "why do you feel so uptight?"

"I don't know." Not true. I just feel too shy to articulate the perfectly obvious reasons anyone'd feel uneasy.

I retreat to my room again, turn the light off. But just sit, troubled, wishing I could say yes to her obvious interest. I AM attracted to her.

Donna comes in. "I hope you weren't offended..." I wasn't. Donna comes on. "If you find a girl who turns you on," leaning forward on my bed to show me her cleavage, "let her KNOW."

"I'm just too shy still. I wish I weren't." But am I inhibited, or is it the weird setting and utter lack of privacy?

My first open-mouth tongue kiss. More. I like it. Someone comes by, door's ajar, looks in, apologizes. She says "no, no, it's nothing private..." No?

She leaves a while, returns to the party, placating her date?

Just as I sink into bed and decide to sleep, Donna returns. Talk and kiss some more--but go no further. "You have an exciting mind and an exciting body" she says--but leaves the door open again. If she'd shut it I might feel free to respond.

Though even then... with my dad's friend's date?

(dreamed two weeks later)
1: CINDY UNDER THE TABLE

At Interstellar U., a boy cuts French,
climbs to the Glade, to toke with spacy friends.
Professor bids us all to seek the lamb perdu;
at grand diner we're due.

Known my classmate Cindy from birth. Now, as then,
a tease nonstop. But she's grown up. "We've changed
in all those years and parsecs since we were six,"
I say. "Now we are... sex!"

So at our banquet of adieu we two, demure,
sit facing. Footsies sous le table. Now, as then,
no panties for Cin! Lips pleine aire athrob
in French bliss.

Toes beneath her smiling fuchsia skirt.
I tease her eager clit--until we spurt.

Candle-lit dinner, footsies under a table; watercolor of a dream by Wayan. Click to enlarge.

(dreamed three weeks later still)
2: REDSHIFT AND FAIRIES

Deep in the eco-future. A flock of fairies land
on our commune roof--a bee-wing clan
of nature sprites. Lovely, but intrusive too;
I was kissing Redshift, the dancer who

always wears a red shift, and sheer
smoke-tights. Soul of the Big Bang! Her
nature: expansive! Though she will bang & run.
To spite the Sprites, I strew a metric ton

of signs they skewed nature's balance. A joke! All
the cosmos is exploding, chaos; all
change relentless. I drive the fairies up to Sky-
line Meadow, but secretly I dye

the river red to vex them, as Red, indiscreet,
makes sweet love to me on the streambank street.

Sex by a river as fairies look on; watercolor of a dream by Wayan. Click to enlarge.
(dreamed three nights later still)
3: INCEST OR INSECT?

The redwood hills above my home look raw:
they're being mined away--man-gnawed--
cliff-jaws where oakadot meadows once
swept smooth up. Now, bones.

I climb these new gash-peaks. Find snow.
I crest the quarry cliffs, see Cho-
molungma; climb Everest itself! Then
my hulking Yeti friend

teaches me to fly. Night: we cache the Secret in
the Gorge. We meet a slender bee, a friend
to me. And then my sisters. Lick both till they come!
But which both? Sisters, or bee

& human? Incest, or insect? Conundrum!
Cunnilingual joy, but--whose wings thrum?

Threesome including a human-size bee; watercolor of a dream by Wayan. Click to enlarge.
(dreamed four nights later still)
4: SNOW-NEST AND RIVER

In the time of the Solar Conjunction, as we turn
half-telepathic, the celebrations in the jungle hills
grow wild. The Games Announcer says
"New, improved! Now with live bombs!"

At the ski lodge we curse the oversnow,
so heavy the pass-cornice poufs out like a 'fro
on cliff muffin. One man dares--skirts the hang,
but finds the slalom grim. Ski Girl & I

find refuge in the blob: snow-nest and make love slow.
So warm. We're on a river now, air-mattressing down;
the Count rides up, and tries to Carry Off the Maiden--
vaudeville villain! Black mare dances in,

splash-wades, but flounders in the flow midstream.
We, modern, light as leaves, float on--out of the dream.

Lovers rafts down a river, as a black horse dunks a moustached man; watercolor of a dream by Wayan. Click to enlarge.
FIFTY YEARS LATER

Were these dreams fallout from Donna? Likely. For two months sex was a constant dream-theme; then it ebbed to (merely) teen-frequent.

Did Donna help or harm me? Umm... yes. Both. She made me feel (even more) awkward, backward--socially (if not chronologically) she was way more adult. As a test, swap our sexes--picture college-age Don dumping his much older date Gemma, an ex-teacher using him as a boytoy trophy; Don slips into the bedroom of gifted but shy high-school girl Chris, plies her with alcohol, comes on to her--but with the door open, saying "Oh no, nothing's going on" when clearly it is... and then, with a smile and shrug, moves on. An opportunistic predator, using Chris to slap Gemma for using him.

On the other hand, I felt grateful to Donna. She treated me better than she was being treated (like a trophy, like a doll). She genuinely liked me and took initiative I couldn't, stifled by nosy, sexist, self-indulgent parents and teachers. She was honest and made me feel attractive, and given how I'd been lied to, I needed to be shown.

On the other other hand... I found a box of slides from February 1972. My dad staged photo sessions in the back yard with my sisters. Not nude, but sensual, and the ones with Miriel (age 12!) seductive. So my inhibition and ambivalence wasn't just the family lack of privacy. I was reacting to a dad drooling over his own daughters. I can't even condemn him much; he ogled, but at least kept it in his pants, while his friends were openly screwing their own students.

So given the Seventies, fast and loose... I can't call it abuse. Next to cringeworthy rolemodels like these, Donna's "predation" and my "inhibition" both look like good-hearted attempts to connect... wind-blasted by the Age of Crass.

CHRONOLOGY: these are real dreams from my 1972 journal, but I wrote and drew the pictures, poems and notes in 2023; back then, I couldn't discuss such charged dreams, let alone interpret them. But as I near the event horizon, they've reddened and dimmed... until they're bearable.



LISTS AND LINKS:
Donna: parties - family values (shiver!) - dates - flirting & come-ons - sexual awakening - shyness & embarrassment - healing from abuse - Donna again: Dad's Dates
Cindy Under the Table: the future - college - flirting - parties & dinners - exhibitionism & (lack of) privacy - footsturbation? - sex in general
Redshift and Fairies: time - the future - fairies - color & fashion - puns (redshift!) - cosmology - lying - ecology - exhibitionism & sex again
Insects or Incest? mountains - ascent - yetis & apes - insects & incest - puns - siblings - oral & group sex - sex in general - exhibitionism & lack of privacy again
Snow-Nest, River: telepathy in dreams - boom! - snow - a 2nd snowy love-nest: Lampreys - water - skimming - aristocracy - horses - Silky - swimming - oops! - sabotage?
General: juvenilia - healing from abuse - watercolor dream art - Donna again: Dad's Dates - Jennifer Montgomery's similar experience - that abusive therapist: Ayres

World Dream Bank homepage - Art gallery - New stuff - Introductory sampler, best dreams, best art - On dreamwork - Books
Indexes: Subject - Author - Date - Names - Places - Art media/styles
Titles: A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - IJ - KL - M - NO - PQ - R - Sa-Sh - Si-Sz - T - UV - WXYZ
Email: wdreamb@yahoo.com - Catalog of art, books, CDs - Behind the Curtain: FAQs, bio, site map - Kindred sites