My godmother Joan, a drama director, loves cats, but she's just too busy these days for such a high-maintenance pet. So she has a pet crab.

But I have a cat. She keeps going into heat, but instead of finding a tomcat, she sneaks over to my godmother's house and fucks the crab. Perverse, but you have to admit they're unlikely to have kittens... or, uh, crablings... whatever. Their species probably don't even have any DISEASES in common, either. I've just given up trying to prevent her. Might as well accept it--my pussy loves crabs.

I can't believe I just said that.

Joan blames me for our pets' affair. She gets so mad she puts spells and hexes on me! I keep brushing them off and threatening her back: "I have powers too, you know!" Not an empty threat, either.

Our little feud doesn't affect our pets one bit; they fuck whenever they can, whatever we do.

Finally I give up. Go tell Joan "I can't understand or control my cat's actions any more. My cat just likes your crab. I disclaim further responsibility for the cat's actions, and I suggest you adopt her as your pet-in-law."

I don't know why, but as I start to wake, I keep wondering: "Did my pussy really love that crusty old crab, or did she want to be with Joan? Was all that drama just to get Joan's ATTENTION?"

NOTES

• Cat = sex. My pussy is out of control, and I disclaim responsibility? Uh-oh...
• Joan = Single, busy, extremely social.
• Joan's pet crab = busy woman's crabbiness, being short and blunt and in a hurry? I doubt it means she's got crabs, she doesn't exactly sleep around... anything's possible, but I don't think I'll ask.
• Cat may visit Joan's for attention as much as sex = Oh! I visited my parents today. And when I did, I described the psychic dreamwork I'm doing. My dad, a crusty materialist, reacted vehemently. I was being perverse, superstitious... I KNEW he'd react that way, but I still spoke up. I told the truth, but...
• Joan hexing me = my dad labeling me a New Age fool! A scientist's version of a curse.
• But the dream asks... do I, just possibly, provoke my dad? Because it's the only way I feel I can get his attention?
• Affair= well... I'm single and not even trying. If I found more pussy, would I quit these crabby games?

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