My life was a sex disaster. I was a nervous anorexic noodle boy.

But then one night I dreamed I was a nervous anorexic noodle girl. For years, in the dream, I'd looked for years for a healer who really HELPED. At last I found one--a guide through the jungles of food, body image, sex and love.

The woman I found didn't just preach. She LOVED her body. And it responded. She looked gorgeous and her skin looked like she was still sixteen. Maybe she was. I didn't ask. I didn't care. I had a role model at last! That's all that mattered.

Happily, I told my parents "I found a healer who works!"

They ask "Is she ugly enough? Is she old enough?"

I was puzzled and asked "Why does she have to be old and ugly?"

"Young girls are stupid and dependent." said my father.

"Beautiful girls are shallow and vain." said my mother.

"Oh." I said.

And woke up.

Or at least started to wake up.

A WAKING NOTE

My parents are leftists and they fought the media-spell--the idea women are stupid, are only sex objects--and are useless if they're ugly or old. But for me and my sisters, our parents' counterspell has become a curse: beautiphobia. It needs a counterspell in turn, and this dream was it.

This isn't a literal portrait of the healer in my dreams, but a group shot of the sexy rolemodels, guides and helpers I met in dreams around this time, led by a satyr-girl named Waria. It's meant to remind me that sexy isn't stupid--or shallow. That beauty's not a crime.

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