Lila... enabled and reinforced her boyfriend's temper tantrums. When he was in a rage, she would try everything to mollify him, even when that meant giving in and apologizing for a fight he had initiated. She had long ago lost her interest in sex with her boyfriend, and had often thought of leaving him, but couldn't.

She had many dreams of being threatened by unpredictable snakes and by aggressive, vicious animals. But this dream was the one she could not ignore. It came the morning after she had incubated a dream by asking, "Why don't I have any sexual interest in my boyfriend?"

As if watching a nature show documentary, I hear the deep voice of a narrator who says, "Some people try to save, to cure, their rabid dogs. But this is an organic brain syndrome." Then I see illustrations of skulls of dead rabid dogs. The brains had been eaten away by the disease.

The narrator continues: "But, in fact, the only thing to be done is to hold their heads, comfort them, then put them out of their misery and remove the threat they pose to society."

Then I see body parts of humans who had been attacked by rabid dogs. Arms and legs bitten, shredded. Very horrible. I understand that "rabid" here refers to a temper disorder--anger and rage--not to a rabies poison that is transmitted by saliva. The lesson of the scene is that one mustn't take half measures. This disorder is too dangerous, and there is no cure.

She took the first steps toward taking definitive action to protect herself by learning to communicate to her boyfriend that she would no longer tolerate his temper tantrums. This was not easy for her because she was good at soothing bad tempers, not at asserting herself in the face of them.

SOURCE: Sexual Dreams by Gayle Delaney (1994 ed) p. 126

EDITOR'S NOTE

Delaney devotes a whole chapter to dreams revealing childhood sexual abuse, but none on current violence or threats of violence. Her comments here ignore the dream's clear warning--"it's too dangerous, and there is no cure". It does NOT say Lila needs to learn to "communicate" with her boyfriend, or to "assert herself in the face of" his rages. It says the opposite--it warns that crossing this guy could be deadly. Yes, dreams can exaggerate to make a point. But this one's explicit: no saving this relationship, and even trying will endanger you.

Delaney's blindness here shocks me. It's true that 30 years ago there was less awareness of battering and the risk of femicide, but here a dream explicitly says "the man's a mad dog"... and Delaney just talks about assertion skills! Such middle-class, genteel assumptions can lead a therapist to give dangerous advice. Maybe it worked out okay for Lila... but it could get the next such patient killed.

Take violent nightmares seriously. Unpleasant advice can save your life.

--Chris Wayan

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