I'm a girl of seven or eight, trapped in a castle of angular stone. Spare, stark, windowless--a fprtress apt for sieges murderous. Find an air vent too small for adults. Snake in. Tight even for me. The dark slit claws at my shoulder, thigh. Light. A high ledge above a megalithic gate--twin doors of ochre stone. I'm alone; now's my chance. But the steps below the gate are twenty feet down. The ledge is a yard thick at least; below that, one door's ajar, juts out a sole-width. Stretch down a toe and balance on edge. Five yards to go. Clamber down till I hang by my hands. My soles are still ten feet above T. rex rib-bones of the steps. But it's the best route out--well, only--no décor or trim to grip. Bone-bare, everywhere--this Megalithic Modern! Wart on the land. I'm so small and light, I think I can fall loose. I'll roll of course, and take a bruise or ten, as I tumble flint steps. Free. Breathe... let go? And then a nightmare thought. What if I'm just the FORM of a lithe girl, pliant, light, but with joints from my day-body-- fragile, prone to rip and sprain? I can so effortlessly self-maim. But not a single riskless op- tion's left. I cat myself, and drop.

NOTE IN THE MORNING

This dream is a rarity--half-lucid. I know I'm in a dream-body and will wake to a different body... yet I don't realize I can shape the dream--float down or fly off.

But then... wouldn't that ignore its warning "Can your joints really take this?" You see, I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome--a genetic defect causes weak cartilage and vulnerable joints--I've had hundreds of sprains and dislocations. I have to move mindfully. Against social pressure! I live amid muscular, robust, violent humans; they forced me (starting with mandatory PE classes!) to act tougher than my body can really take. Human habits override my nonhuman needs.

I think the dream wanted me to pause in doubt. I need to pause before risking joints. I'm not normal, and even if I were, I'm no longer a light, small kid. I need to reprogram, and move with caution.

And neither a lucid or non-lucid dream could say that. Only half-lucidity would do.

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