Nicholas... was entering into a new sexual relationship with Sylvie, who had ignited in him the desire to live passionately and to rejoice flamboyantly. Early in the relationship Nicholas dreamed:

I am on Mt. Olympus or in Valhalla--somewhere in the clouds as close as mortals can come to the immortals. The winds are sweeping clouds above and below. I am unbelievably exhilarated. This reminds me of my feelings with Sylvie. The spaciousness, the freshness, and the drama of the scene make me feel brave, light, and intensely, passionately alive.

I am here to take my vow. I approach an altar of clouds. The gods are gathered somewhere in the wind and the mists. The most thrilling, beautiful music I've ever loved is permeating this elegant ceremony. I call to the gods my courageous oath: "I swear never again to turn away from the life of passion." I realize as I do this that such a promise is rarely kept by mortals, and that I will at times find it terrifyingly painful to honor my vow. But the alternative, that of living in quiet safety, appears to me to be no longer worth living. This aliveness is too beautiful, too fitting, too right to ever abandon again.

I awake wondering if I will be able to keep my vow.

Five years after this dream he still talks of it as the most important of his sexual, personal, and professional life. He says it acts as a beacon when he is making choices and setting goals, and that it helps him to counterbalance his timid, self-restricting tendencies with the vision of his dream.

SOURCE: Sexual Dreams by Gayle Delaney (1994 ed) pp.243-44

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