A gameshow. Two naked old men are competing. Each must stick his cock in a clear hollow plastic dildo fattening up his shaft, then stick this augmented weenie into a big, strange, flattish vibrator nearly a meter long, fixed to the floor. Gotta hump it till he comes. While the audience watches.

Lots of self-deprecating guy-jokes about how "I can't fill that big empty plastic form as I could when I was young."

No jokes about the grotesque game itself, though. They all take THAT for granted as normal.

The challenge isn't to come first. Or last. It's to come at all. Because the moment their cocks are in the machine, the show releases the hogs. At least a hundred huge pigs pour onto stage. The men, pinned by sex to the floor, may be bitten, gored or trampled by the herd. Or humped themselves. They'd better come fast...

I couldn't do this. I'm slow to come under even safe circumstances. This is a sex game I really don't want to play.

Or do I? What about the Home Version? I'm in my bedroom now; one of the big vibrators sprawls on my floor. I hear my housemates downstairs, but I'm alone. And no hogs in my closet! Safe.

So I lock my doors and try it. Warm and tickly inside the floor-vibrator. Mmm... but then mmm-ouch. It's getting too hot at the far end where it plugs in. I pull out. The unit's smoking! Is it shorting out, or did dust get into the circuitry and burn? I blow on it--dust and ash does puff out two slots. The smoke stops, good... But it stay too hot. Dangerous.

Turn it off. Maybe I can fuck it on residual heat? Try again, but without the vibration I don't come. Or maybe it's just unease. Can't quite trust it now.

The lesson of the Home Version: the problem with this sex game wasn't just the crowd, or the pigs, or the competition. It's technical too. The device is untrustworthy.

People, machines, no different--if you can't trust... don't!

Just don't.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Device on floor, can't fill, poor connection: Our band rehearsed, but couldn't get sound for half an hour. Swap cables/connectors, and suddenly all works. A bad cord--but never trace which one.
• Smutty jokes: Mike was uneasy singing his own song Cyberspace Baby, about porn addiction
• Pigs come after: today I illustrated an epic dream, A Valley Near Hope. Next dream after it in the World Dream Bank: Vampigs. The mixed refs to music & illustration hint the game means any creative work that's personal enough to be potentially embarrassing.
• Hog and Vibrator Show: the Gun and Doll Show? Dog and Pony Show? At least the dream's not about our current political discourse. Molly Ivins didn't say "Who let the hogs in?" We aren't already living the Hog and Vibrator Show. Right?
• Big flat device on floor: After practice, I left my keyboard on the floor for hours.
• Overheating, dust:
  1. Mike said his guitar amp shorted out this week.
  2. After practice, cleaned my room. Dustbunnies around powerstrip & transformer under my keyboard. Fire hazard? That transformer did short once--Mike spliced the cord and fixed it.
• Sextoy, heat : At bedtime, I did use a sextoy to get to sleep--my home-sewn catgirl plushie. Didn't burn or electrocute me, but things did get... pretty hot. Sex really DOES burn calories!
• ACTION: Clean that powerstrip more often. What else? I dunno. Face that my dreams like smutty comedy?

The phone that my sister gave me shorts out. Damn, its camera was good. Back to a landline & my old camera...

• ACTION 2: write up this dream of shorted-out equipment as predictive. Even if it's questionable... it's worth reporting to y'all just for the show title. Except... what if I inspire (using the term broadly) some idiot to really produce the Hog and Vibrator Show?

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