A steady ache in my abdomen--or is it my lower back, around the kidneys? Wait for it to fade on its own, but over a few weeks, it worsens.

At last I reluctantly go to a clinic. I was right to come in! The tests reveal I'm pregnant. An ectopic pregnancy--the embryo's lodged in the Fallopian tubes instead of the uterine wall. Of course I don't HAVE a uterus, so that figures...

"It's very rare in men" says the doctor, "but it does happen."

They give me local anesthetic, go in with long tweezers and pull out an embryo 1-2 cm long. I'm tired and sore, after, but the surgeon says "I'm confident we got all the fetal tissue; you'll be fine now."

I feel sad, but it was doomed--I couldn't possibly bring it to term. No placenta there to support it.

I tell my sister, who once had a miscarriage herself. Now we both have. Weird.

IN THE MORNING

• Miscarriage: echoes a dream from last month, THE OTTER'S MOM. A creature sacrificed her own baby; she could either nurse and save a unique, gifted creature, or her own pup... but not both.
• Doomed fetus: I think the doomed embryo is my hopes of social acceptance, if I just hide my gifts and strangeness, and learn to pass for normal...

  Give it up, Wayan. You have no placenta for that one.

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