I dream I'm a Vietnamese kid growing up in Pacifica, just south of San Francisco--dramatic sea cliffs, foggy hills, suburban boxes, malls. It's more scenic than "Colma: the Musical", but a lot like that. Claustrophobic, as only the burbs can be. Especially when you have chronic worriers for parents. They're driving me crazy.

At last, I put an ad on Craigslist, offering to sell my parents "for best offer"--with no minimum! Five bucks and they're yours. A matched set, hardly any scratches!

I'm just venting, openly sarcastic, but... the next day, a cop shows up at our house! She seems to think I'm some kind of immigration-smuggler, selling people into slavery--maids, gardeners? But she can see I'm just a kid, and the ad's such an obvious joke... so for quite a while I figure she's putting me on right back, taking a break from her serious calls.

So I tell her "No, no, I'm not selling them as slaves, just as surplus items. Use them as bookends, I don't care. Just get them off my hands."

But it turns out she MEANS it! She's on the verge of arresting me. Wow, if my ad could have been real, she must meet evil assholes every day. And I thought my family was bad!

I'll put a minimum bid on the next ad.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Pacifica; Viet parents: I do know an Asian girl in Pacifica who often gets impatient with her mom's chronic worrying. Not Vietnamese, though.
• Sell your parents on Craigslist = "family values"!
• Clueless cop =
  1. Last night I saw a BBC detective show about a rare book theft. The cops failed to consider that the rare-book world is small--the expert they consulted was himself involved in the crime.
  2. My history teacher keeps saying openly "I'm a geek, mildly autistic, so if I do something socially clueless, tell me."
• ACTION: uh... don't sell my parents on Craigslist. And maybe check with my friend in Pacifica, see if her mom's been really bugging her. What else? It's a funny dream, but there's a serious point here I'm missing.

A YEAR LATER

I meet my Pacifica friend at a New Year's party. She tells me she's...

1. studying to become one of the first female FBI agents
2. hoping to work right in Pacifica, using her cultural and language skills
3. been having detailed dreams of her future career: going to local houses, sensing danger
4. wondering if her dreams are predictive--warnings about specific dangers she'll face. They're so clear and practical that sounds plausible...

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