INTRODUCTION

THIS PAST MONTH, I've been dating the most unique and beautiful person I have ever met. Can't get her out of my mind. Since I've been with her, I've often dreamed about losing control of vehicles, or watching planes crash, or trying to rescue family from their burning homes. I recognize those dreams as being symbolic of my loss of control over my emotions and my environment. Anxious dreams are no surprise, since...
THREE WEEKS AGO, I came out to my mom.
ALSO A FEW WEEKS AGO, I moved into a new apartment with my friend Lauren.
A FEW DAYS AGO I was hitchhiking on the coast and caught a ride from a very spiritual man in a Prius.
THE DAY BEFORE, my mom outed me to my very judgmental and bigoted father, and I had just sent him an email saying my sexuality and personal life were none of his business. I feel kind of liberated from that.
TODAY, I went to the park down the road and enjoyed a lot of sunlight and colors... I came back and had a nap.
JUST NOW, I woke up with a strange dream that I felt like sharing. It's hard for me to remember the last time that I had such a vivid dream. I haven't dreamed in color for years; that and the content are what set it apart.

THE DREAM

Lauren and I climb out the window and sit on the roof. We're smoking cigarettes and I'm getting high (inexplicable since they aren't pot, but I'm not about to complain). Lauren says "I need to give you a palm reading and a tarot card reading."

I ask "since when do you do that, Lauren?" But I'm pretty passive. I accept her offer.

"Let's go" she says. So I follow her inside, downstairs, and out the door...

And suddenly we're in my old neighborhood. An overweight and beautiful woman in a flowing red dress steps out of her matching red sparkling Prius, and strides up to the house we just walked past. She's carrying a huge bunch of flowers--daisies of every color.

Lauren turns to me and we both obsess over her glowing beauty.

We start running and I start laughing. The streets are still wet after a storm, filled with puddles. The sky is a sweet sharp blue, the clouds dark-gray to bright, with orange-ish outlines. They're huge, the kind you see when a thunderstorm rolls in from the Gulf Coast. The contrast between sky and clouds is stark, and the grass is exceptionally green.

Lauren turns around and shouts, "CLIT!"

I laugh uncontrollably, and ask "Why?"

No explanation. I add "Lauren, what about my reading?"

...and then I wake up to a text message. It's from the woman that I've been dating, telling about her vibrant day and experiences.

AFTERWORD

The only explanation I have for this dream is that I'm eager for the future, for her to return, for answers to be given from other people.

As for "CLIT!"... It seems like I've been focusing on it a bit, but pushing it out of my mind as something that is and should be natural. I've never really been a top in a lesbian relationship. I'm pretty inexperienced with women and now that I'm monogamously with a woman I guess that I've been focusing on the pleasures of our genitals. In the dream I remember feeling kind of giddy/ embarrassed because I felt like she was exposing me and my sexuality... even though Lauren was really just being outrageous... ha!

--D'jeanna

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