THAT DAY

I was reading Shirley MacLaine's "Living in the Light." She says souls in human bodies are like gods driving round in clunkers. Our spirits can pull us into things our bodies can't yet handle. Her advice: go forward--but don't exceed your personal speed limit. Body speed.

THAT NIGHT

I dream of a statue of Silky, my familiar. Tonight she's in the form of a centaur-girl. But she's blurry and confusing at first. The harder I look the more I see another figure mixed in with her--a young unicorn. The unicorn's reared up on Silky's back, his neck twined around her torso, his horn rising from behind her head...

What seemed to be one murky figure turns out to be very clear--just double!

Slowly I disentangle them, until I realize they're not two figurines snagged together. They're making love.

And then this too feels like a blurring-together of a more complex truth. I reach out again and find the two figures feel like soft clay statues more than flesh; but they seem to WANT to come apart. I tug gently...

They slip into a different tableau: the unicorn balking reluctantly as Silky tugs him forward. She's an incomplete centaur now, just a human torso and front legs torn out of the unicorn. She's waiting for me to add a full horse-body added, hind legs and tail... or at least to have her sawed-off butt rounded and tailed so she'll be a satyr-girl! Or even HUMAN, as a last resort--something, anything! A serious makeover is in order.

But Silky doesn't seems to be in pain--she's too busy arguing. She tugs at the Unicorn's neck and yells "Time to move forward!"

But he balks and trumpets "Not yet! Not safe!"

They're still arguing as I slowly wake, my hands twitching with the urge to add the clay to make her whole...

NEXT MORNING

• The dream agrees with MacLaine's picture of living in a body: our spirit's longings can urge us to go faster than our bodies can take. Impatient with my allergies and chronic illnesses, eager to get out and have fun like Silky, I tend to push myself... well, pull myself, it seems. Before my body is ready--and in the the dream, it's literally unready--not even fully built!
• Silky = my longing for fun, social life, sex, love.
• Unicorns = my health, I think (the horn was believed to cure poisoning, wounds, even plague).

Just... incomplete. And split until I'm finished.

original sketches, 3-4 cm high, in my 1988 dream journal

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