WAYAN'S DREAM

My mom now lives in our house. My housemate Lily's talking with my mom about groups she wants to invite over. I break in to say "I want my bankers' board to meet here next week." (I'm part of a group of bankers who got appointed to figure out how to save a troubled credit union; we meet in each others' houses).

Lily objects "You didn't give much notice; I'm not sure I'm OK with that. I don't LIKE bankers, they're greedy." As if she can FORBID me!

I snap "You have groups and friends over all the time! You never ask ME. I'm telling you as a courtesy, not for your permission!" I'm particularly annoyed since we have two tables in the main room and my bankers' group only needs one, so we're not even getting in Lily's way.

My mother keeps whispering to me, "Do you have to be so harsh?"

I say "This is a key issue for me. Either we have equal rights here, or we don't."

IN THE MORNING

I wake up. Puzzled because we've never fought over groups meeting at our house. I don't know any bankers and I'm not likely to. Can't make symbolic sense of it either. Write the dream down, then go out to the kitchen and tell it to Lily. She tells me:

LILY'S DREAM

"I dreamed about a table of bankers too! Remember that woman we met at the party last night, the one who knew Ayn Rand? Well, I dreamed she invited me to sit at her table--her family and friends and circle. I had mixed feelings about them; I've wanted a new circle of friends, but I wasn't sure they were it. I sat at an empty table and waited for her to come back from the bathroom. Waited and waited for her and her friends to show up.

"A bunch of bankers came in and tried to take over my table! I shooed them off, saying "This table's reserved. I don't want people like you for my community!" I sat at the empty table for a long time, waiting for them... then I heard laughter at the table behind me. I turned around and there she was, with all her friends! They never told me; they let me sit there alone. I turned to face them, then deliberately burst into tears so they'd feel guilty and let me join them."

NOTES

So. Lily's talking with an older woman. A group of bankers wants to be seated at a table, but Lily objects: she hates bankers. A woman resorts to guilt-tripping about the table dispute...

Whose dream did I just describe?

Purely aside from the telepathic aspect, this dream had a message for me. I'd been trying to plan a budget that day, and was having trouble figuring out my needs. Lily and that woman at the party had talked about money vs. the pleasure of face-to-face barter. Their talk made me realize I'm so hooked on others' approval of my art and writing that I only show and sell it face-to-face, so I'll see people's enjoyment. Boosts my confidence but limits my income. So I think Lily, who's a barter-loving artist, represented this side of me; the bankers are the part who realize that I need to make enough to live on, even if it means agents and publishers and less personal gratification.

Lily's dream, despite its parallel contents, has quite a different focus: she wants to find new friends, but she fears rejection and exclusion. Her dream warns she may distort her own feelings, trying to get acceptance.

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