I'm part of a Navy research project. Our headquarter looks like NASA Flight Control--lots of computer screens. But it's deep in a cave. We're exploring astral space.

I'm the first American astralnaut. Yes, that means I died, I'm a ghost--an energy being. But with a computer link so I can talk to ground control! Spirits normally have poor recall of their earthly life, but with a fast link to a large memory device I can store my memories there and access them pretty readily.

But they haven't got that link running quite right, yet. All I have are my character and intelligence and core memories--but when I need a detailed memory of something in the material world, the link often goes wrong. Or so they tell me. I'm not sure--I wonder if they really WANT me remembering it all on my own. This way I'm safe, controllable, dependent on ground control. I'm a spook, after all--notoriously unreliable! Maybe they want me on a leash. So they hold my memories hostage!

But I'm not sure--it's just a suspicion. Don't want to be paranoid--the astral space program is new, and some bugs are inevitable.

The next astralnaut is a devoutly religious woman. Everyone likes her, even me, and I usually mistrust born-again types. So it upsets me a lot when I discover SHE'S been sabotaging my memory hookup! Not accidental, not neglect, not incompetence. Deliberate, careful sabotage.

I have to warn them--but I expect to be disbelieved. She's so popular, and I'm known to be a very partisan Pagan. They'll figure I'm just biased against her. But it's true! She stole my memories and hid them in a can. How embarrassing...

I fight her the only way I can--with pure joy. Enjoy my character and brains and imagination--I don't need a detailed memory to have fun!

I can't say living well is the best revenge, since I'm not living, am I? But happiness. Happiness IS the best revenge.

A happy pagan ghost? Deprived of the presence of God, but still happy? Ooh, it'll drive her crazy. I'm grinning just thinking of it, and I don't even have teeth! Whoever "I" am... Which I won't really know, till I retrieve that damn can.

But as long as I can annoy her, I'll be a happy astralnaut.

NOTES NEXT MORNING

• Disembodied astralnaut with a link to the living = Today I...
  1. felt sick and retreated to writing.
  2. talked to my friend Zooop for an hour on the phone
  3. heard a radio interview with Alan Shepard, the first American in space.
• Likable but secretly fanatic woman sabotages project
  1. Alan Shepard said NASA has a three-way conflict between astronauts, scientists, and publicity/managers.
  2. My dream recall's been fuzzy the last few nights--memory theft!
  3. Some Christian just murdered two abortion doctors in Florida
  4. My friends and I are making a video in the Haight-Ashbury, and I suspected Zooop unconsciously sabotaged the schedule and the digital graphics. My dreams agree. I better keep my commitment limited till THAT's resolved!

The video project died due to factional splits rather like NASA's. Well, and Zooop "absent-mindedly" kept disappearing during shoots (and once we tracked her down, said innocently "where were you?")... taking the camera full of all our data. Stole our memory-can, shutting down the shoot. I never learned why.

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